life

Loving me…


We can constantly search for that place or person that will make us happy.   I know because I’ve done that for so, so long.  Always trying to find that place that will make me happy and content.  

As time slowly transports me to middle age, I’m starting to realise, as many before me have said, happiness is within. Happiness is not something that manifests from a place or person for it is within.

Simple.

I’ve often entertained the idea of travelling around my country, in a van, with my beloved sausage dogs.

I’m now starting to really think about that.  I say that because when I venture from my home to places where other people are, I cannot get home quick enough.

Call me selfish, but I just don’t like people much.  I spent years trying to fit in, trying to be liked and constantly pretending I fit into other’s worlds. Bottom line, I don’t. And therein lies the struggle I’ve endured all of my life.

So, with that in mind, I’m now of the belief that I simply want to create my home whereby I can just be – a place that I can wander with my sausages without worrying about people invading our space.

Side by side, always…

I thought in order to be happy, I needed to be liked and todo all the things society preached.  I tried to be part of the social norm.  But it never worked.

I struggled.  I cried. I lost.  Continually.

Now that I’ve realised I don’t need to fit, I’m happy.

I believe in time I’ll find my acreage, somewhere.   But for now I’m happy to just plod along with my sausages and not try to impress or fit to societal ideals.

Ah, loving me…

life

Dipping toes…


street14©jenhammer copyIt’s good to take risks, don’t you think?

At the same time, dipping toes into unclear waters is frightening for one can’t see what lurks below the surface.

But in order to grow, to learn and to embrace the new, risks must be taken.

Toes should be dipped. For who knows, that unknown water may turn out to be brilliant.

Crystal clear and filled with endless opportunities offering love, laughter and endless happiness.

And those ties that hold on to the past?

They can be released.

Given permission to float into the yesterdays, taking with them those long held regrets that blanket the todays …

 

 

life, photography

Dreams & reality…


A friend said to me recently: ‘think about where you want to be in 5 years, then figure out how best to get there…’. On hearing his words, I did not need to think about where I wanted to be, for I already knew.

In 5 years I shall be sitting in a cafe in Paris, sipping a good Pinot whilst watching Parisian life stroll by.
Perfect pleasure in Paris

On finishing my wine, I return to my apartment and take a moment to gaze upon the array of red chimney tops that adorn the abundant rooftops. Atop the small table that occupies the space beneath the open window, pots of brightly coloured flowers sit alongside fresh herbs of which I use to excite my cooking. In the small yet quaint living room, an overstuffed sofa bed bought from a second hand store, waits for my two grown sons who are soon to arrive. I am excited at the prospect of time soon to be spent with my beautiful children, who are, and always will be my greatest achievement.

My French is now reasonable and in the last years I have trekked the Annapurna Circuit, floated in the Dead Sea and gazed in wonder at the natural beauty of the Northern Lights. I have spent time teaching in foreign lands and broadened my knowledge in photography.

I ponder where I have left footprints and find I have no regrets, for I have lived and am now living, life…

 

life

A little routine…


There is something to be said for routine.

Having made positive changes in my life, I am now a silent and content witness to watching life unfold, through routines that are complete and solid in nature.

Free to now shape my own routine, I fall easily in step with the established routine of others.Malaysia

He walks with bowed legs, a crooked stick aiding crooked legs. His smile is wide, shining its light upon those who share his morning. His frayed cap is tipped ever so slightly, a silent acknowledgment of my presence with his.

He runs. Panting, sensing and sniffing his well-travelled path. A worn, tattered rope connecting her to him, keeps him close and without flight. She too smiles and bids me good morning.

They are there with me, sharing routines.

As I walk, Regret does not walk alongside me. There is simply happiness and fulfilment for having chosen a routine that is reflective of who I am, and who I have always needed to be.