travel

In 5 years …


A good friend asked me recently, ‘Jen, do you ever think about where you will be in 5 years?’

On hearing his words, I didn’t need to think about where I’ll be, for I already knew, as the destination had danced in my mind for many years.

Now, as my life changes, and my precious sons and partners are now shaping their own futures, the path to that destination is becoming a reality.

So where shall I be? 

I shall be somewhere in France, perhaps sipping a good Pinot Noir or Gris, whilst basking in the hue of glorious sunset from the verandah of my home.

Along the verandah’s balustrade, brightly coloured flowers stretch upward and fresh herbs, of which I use to excite my cooking adorn the ledge. In the garden, my precious sausage dogs are taking in the scents, before rolling with passion on the freshly mowed grass.

In the small, yet quaint living room, an overstuffed sofa bed bought from a second hand store, lies in wait for my two grown boys who are soon to arrive.

My french is now reasonable and in the last 5 years I have trekked the Annapurna, floated in the Dead Sea and gazed in wonder at the natural beauty of the Northern Lights.

My life is full of simple pleasures.

Daily jaunts to the colourful market where freshly baked baguettes and locally grown produce are in abundance. Summer evenings see friends gathering under the vine covered terrace, their faces taking on a warm, orange glow from the abundance of fairy lights intertwined through the vine’s branches. Soft music filters through the night air, as does the laughter of people living a life well loved.

In the winter months snowflakes dance through the frosty air before blanketing the ground, and transforming my garden into a shimmering winter wonderland. Inside, I’m curled upon that comfy sofa in front of a flickering log fire, with the company of a good book and my beloved dogs.

I am content, I have fulfilled long held dreams.

Mostly though, I’m full of love for my beautiful children and loyal dogs who are, and always will be my greatest achievement.

dogs

A house full of Sausages…


I have a house full of Sausages. Not the greasy, squishy, edible variety, but more precisely, the loveable, quirky Dachshund variety.

Having my home filled with sausage dogs was not something I’d ever planned: it just happened.

And it all started with Kiri, or Saus as she became affectionately known.

Saus was a beautiful mini-wire haired dachshund who came to live with me by chance 16 years ago, after Mum had heard about her through the show dog network. 

At just 3 years old, she had had 3 litters, needless to say, her life had not been ideal. And whilst not part of a puppy farm per say, she was apparently no longer of  any ‘use’, and now in desperate need of a new home.  On hearing her story, I wanted to meet her.

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On meeting her, I could see her spirit had been severely broken at some point, she was timid, and frightened, however with love, patience and a nurturing home, she began to trust me, trust my love for her and slowly we became one. 

The depth of her beauty and my love for her was immense. She was simply Saus, a beautiful, yet incredibly shy being who gave me permission to be the centre of her world.

I am, and always will be, humbled by her trust.

We shared 5 magical years together, years filled with so much love, so much laughter and so many discoveries of her quirky, sausage ways.

Her passion for cheese. Her need to burrow into her doggy sleeping bag and most of all, her great love of being in the car. She didn’t have to go anywhere, just getting in and being in the car was her pleasure. It was the getting out and walking bit she didn’t fancy: and her hilarious antics surrounding getting in and being out of the car can be read about here.

But sadly, on one tragic summer morning, I lost my precious girl to a previously undiagnosed, severe heart condition.

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I was devastated. In losing her, I too was lost. She had become my world and when she died, part of me died with her. I was inconsolable.

The following day, Mum called to say she had a call from one of her friends asking if she knew of anyone who may be interested in re-homing a 9-month-old male, mini-wire.  Whilst she knew my grief over losing Saus was absolute, the serendipitous timing of her friend’s call propelled her to ask me. My response was instant. No, I could not imagine adopting another right now.

Yet a good friend had other ideas.

Despite my inconsolable grief, my friend talked me into going to meet this little fellow. I remember his words: ‘Jen, you might need him as much as he might need you…’. He was adamant, so together we went to meet him.

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Later that afternoon, as I sat on the grass in a local park, I watched Stanley (then known as Joey) jump out of the car and cautiously walk toward me.  With his little wiry head darting from side to side, his body language screamed fear, and he was clearly terrified. I noticed him cower in front of the man who held his lead; was he terrified of that man, or the unknown? In the years following, I’ve noticed Stanley does not like strange men, so I believe his fear back then was indeed of that man.

I said his name, and he tentatively walked toward me, and on reaching me, he cautiously sniffed the area around where I sat.

I didn’t speak, I simply let him do his thing.  Then without warning, he climbed onto my lap and buried his head in my arms. I was completely taken aback, yet held him close, hoping my touch would lessen his fear.

We sat together for some time and a little while later I placed him gently on the grass, stood up and walked toward the picnic table to retrieve a bottle of water.  Stanley immediately followed and would not leave my side. At that moment I knew he had made his decision, I was his person. So Stanley came to live with me, and just as my friend said, we needed each other. In his company, my grief over losing Saus slowly eased and for Stanley, he began to experience a life filled with so much love.

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Twelve years on, his loyalty has never waned. He is my best friend, and I love him with all that I am.

However in the first year or so, because of our special bond, I began to notice he suffered from separation anxiety.  Family told me that in my absence he was sad, uninterested and would simply sit by the window, anxiously and eagerly awaiting my return.

And it was this anxiousness that led to Oscar’s arrival.

At the time, I was worked as cabin crew for an international airline, which had me jetting off to various destinations in the world for up to 4 -6 days at a time. This was hard for Stanley (and me, I might add), so I decided a companion may help ease his separation anxiety.

Enter Oscar aka Bear.

Again, through my Mum & Dad’s contacts in the dog world, Mum knew of a lady who had a 9-week-old standard wire-haired male available. Along with Stanley we went to meet him and in an instant, Stanley fell in love with his new brother and with time, Stanley and Bear were inseparable. As a standard wire-haired dachshund, Oscar grew to be quite a bit bigger than Stanley and ‘gloompfed’ along like a big ole bear, which is how he came to acquire his nickname, Bear.

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About two years after Oscar’s arrival I began to foster for the rescue group, Devoted to Dachshund Rescue (D2DR) and they called to ask if I would foster a smooth haired, black & tan male.  At nine years old, Simon had only known one family, however within minutes of him entering our home, it was as if we were that family.  Simon loved being with his new brothers, seemed to simply fit with our family and so the decision to adopt him was unanimous.

A year later we were asked to foster another, however this little soul was in a very, very bad way. Eddie, as we later chose to later name him, was found in an industrial waste bin, bound in wire. Extremely emaciated and terrified, whoever found him, took him a pound where he stayed for 6 weeks before the pound called D2DR. Whatever had happened to this beautiful soul was beyond tragic. You have to wonder what possesses someone to subject a defenceless, sentient being to such obvious cruelty.

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When I first saw him, the fear is his beautiful, amber eyes was absolute. Ribs and spine protruded through his rich, copper coloured coat and his severe overbite, gave him somewhat of a comical expression.

I knew that in time, and with loving care his physical issues would mend,  yet the emotional trauma he so obviously experienced was another story and would take time and patience for him to begin to heal. His fear of people was deep seeded, but interestingly, just as Stanley made me his person, it was my son Max that became Eddie’s person.

Eight years on, Eddie’s intense fear of strangers remains, despite our ongoing training. He fears being outside of his home; even going for walks brings on anxiety, as does being anywhere strange with people other than his own.  He is content to be at home, with his family. He is a delightfully funny and extremely smart little guy, who idolises my son Max and his partner, Kassie. She has taught him to ring bells to go outside, she says ‘speak’ and he barks and if she says ‘whisper’, he will give a little, ‘hmmpf’ – so adorable.

And so we lived harmoniously and happily until March, 2020. We noticed a small lump on Simon’s face after which Simon was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of cancer. At 15, surgery to remove the lump in his right, lower jaw was not an option, as the surgery required long anaesthesia and due to the severity, the margins needed to ensure all the cancer was removed would mean removing part of his jaw. Our long term vet knew Simon well and he suggested the best course of action was to simply allow Simon to live these last few months showered with love. He told us to he had approximately 3 months. Whilst his tumour grew at an alarming rate, Simon continued to be Simon: a funny, quirky, very opinionated, toy stealing sausage who lived to love. On August 19th, our beautiful big-bigs crossed the rainbow bridge surrounded by his beloved family.

We were devastated. We knew his passing was on the horizon, yet when he left, his loss was immense. Max was inconsolable as Simon was his boy, and to see my son be so heartbroken was awful.

We had barely begun to process Simon’s loss when 3 weeks later, on September 16, 2020, I woke to find Oscar aka Bear, unable to walk. After rushing to the vet, Oscar was diagnosed with Stage 5 IVDD, which required immediate surgery. Despite the best efforts from our extraordinary vet team, on September 22, my precious Bear crossed the rainbow bridge. To say I was devastated is an understatement, and the grief I felt was immense and raw. I wrote a detailed post about him, which you can read here.  

So in a matter of weeks, our two beautiful, special and dearly loved boys crossed the rainbow bridge, which left us feeling raw, alone, and totally lost. Stanley and Eddie felt it too. Their grief was absolute, you could see it in their eyes, feel it in their mannerisms. Stanely in particular was lost. He was bereft, Oscar was his soulmate, his brother, his everything. I could sense Stanley’s sadness. He seemed to have little motivation and I was concerned. Thankfully I wasn’t working at the time, so I was able to put all my energy into ensuring his welfare was paramount, yet we were both so sad. We dearly missed our Bear Dog.

I made a call to Oscar’s breeder to see if she knew of any wire’s in need of adoption. As it turned out, she did know of a 23-month-old standard, wire girl who had recently retired from the show ring and could possibly be available for adoption.  A couple of weeks later, we met Freida and fell instantly in love.

Stanley adores her, we adore her and she has brought so much to our little family. She is my light in grief’s darkness, and like my precious Stanley, I will be forever grateful for her presence in my life.

We will always carry grief from losing Saus, Simon and Oscar, yet through their loss, Stanley and Frieda came into my life and these two beautiful souls eased the pain of our loss.

Beautiful things can definitely bloom from the seeds of the most difficult times.

So I have a house full of Sausages, and what a house it is. 

life, travel

On leaving India…


I love being a silent observer: watching people move through their lives, bearing witness, yet devoid of the need to participate.

And I love having the freedom to move through life without plans or destinations in mind.

But I had a plan: a plan to be in India for 12 months, but for reasons difficult to explain my time in India ended, and despite the trials of getting there, leaving is something I am incredibly thankful for.

Rather than try to understand why it was not be, it can simply be said that I chose to follow my heart and release the weight placed upon me whilst being in India.

My decision to leave was made quite swiftly and within hours of doing so, I was ascending through the clouds on a Thai Smiles aircraft, leaving India and my unsettled feelings far behind.

The higher we climbed, the more elevated I felt.

I’ve always been one to follow my ‘gut’ and from the moment I stepped on Indian soil I felt an indescribable need to flee.  I also felt confusion for I have travelled extensively through 3rd world countries without ever feeling such an intense need to leave.

I had hoped on arrival at the Animal sanctuary where I was to work, those feelings would melt into the love I could share with the animals. And although the love for the many beautiful beings who called the sanctuary home intensified, unfortunately so did my feelings of dread.  All I wanted to do was run, I don’t know why and I cannot explain, in the end, I simply followed my instincts.

Trouble is, we broadcast our lives across the pages of social media: I do it, as do many others.  It is not for ‘likes’ or acceptance, it has simply become a way of life. More so for me as a writer and photographer, as I find the opportunity to document fulfilling.

However the dark side of social media can often raise its venomous head. The need to portray one’s life as perfect –  a life portrayed on the pages can sometimes be quite different from reality. And I probably fell victim to that, for behind the smiles and happy images, in reality I was filled with sadness and dread.

There were a few exceptions, I did absolutely ADORE Buff the water buffalo – he was simply divine! And I also felt peace with the beautiful Indian family who had warmly welcomed me into their home.

Their kindness is something I shall never forget: Sagar & Sahill you are truly gems – you made me laugh so much. A post entirely on your comings & goings and funny ways is sure to be in the making.

But despite my adopted Indian family, as the days lingered, my feelings of dread intensified and I knew in my heart I had to act. But where would I go?

A number of years ago, I was travelling through Europe and one afternoon whilst strolling through Paris without a destination in mind, I decided to follow the ‘little green man’.

To explain, when stopped at an intersection, I would simply walk in the direction of the flashing green man ‘walk’ sign. In doing so, I found myself wandering along side streets devoid of tourists, where Parisians adorned bars and cafes with their usual nonchalance and style.

However not having a little green man to follow in India, I chose the next best thing: Skyscanner’s ‘everywhere’ button.  Once having typed a departure city, Skyscanner gives the option of choosing Everywhere, which brings up countless flights from cheapest to most expensive. And that’s how I ended up in Bangkok – it was cheap and easy to get there and having flown there often as airline crew, I knew it was the hub for numerous other destinations. Once there I used Skyscanner’s ‘everywhere’ again and found myself booked on a flight to Bali.

And by simply following my heart again, I stayed at the beautiful and tranquil Sarinbuana Eco Lodge, free of charge. In exchange for an incredible villa and meals I simply shot images for their website and social media pages.

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HammerPhotography @ Sarinbuana Eco Lodge, Bali

 

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HammerPhotography @ Sarinbuana Eco Lodge, Bali

Tomorrow I head to a villa in Canguu where I shall be spending a couple of weeks dog-sitting 3 fur-babes whilst their Mum heads overseas.

How is this is all possible?  Through a site called Workaway, I wont go into detail, but click on the link to get more info.  In a nutshell, you do a few hours work a day and in return, you are given accomodation and food.  For me it is not about travelling on the cheap (although it certainly is that) moreover, it’s about having the opportunity to travel and be immersed with local people.

Unfortunately I will have to leave Bali by 18 Feb as I made a massive faux pas at the airport regarding my visa, but hey, maybe that’s the little green man making my decisions for me.

Stay tuned…

yoga1
@HammerPhotography

life

A bittersweet farewell…


With the arrival of a long-awaited Indian visa, the day of my bittersweet departure has dawned.

I say bittersweet because I’m torn. Torn between the joy of fulfilling dreams and the pain of leaving behind those who complete my world.

Max, Rob, Stanley, Oscar, Simon, Eddie & Mum, fill my life with love, laughter and joy: leaving them, albeit temporarily breaks my heart.

“I feel so selfish,’ I said to Mum this morning. “I desperately want this job in India, but I don’t want to leave you, the boys and the pups”.

My ‘pups’ are my adored four-legged family and they will not understand. And that breaks my heart.

A few years ago I went to live in Taiwan for 3 months and I wrote the post,  wish I could speak Dachshund  .  The feelings expressed in that post mirror my feelings today.

Interestingly enough Oscar, the patriarch of my canine pack is decidedly different today. Normally he is a very chilled, laid back chap who sits alone and simply surveys the day’s events without too much ado. Yet today, he has not let me out of his sight.

I believe he knows.  Yet he does not appear to be sad, which is comforting as part of me feels he is giving me the reassurance I need.  Letting me know it will be okay, and that I shouldn’t worry. As I write now, I can feel his gentle, rhythmic breathing – it is indeed reassuring and comforting.

Fast forward a few hours and I am now sitting at the airport waiting for the first on my four flights that will see me finally in India in 48 hours. And whilst I walked out of my door earlier this afternoon with quite a heavy heart, I also left knowing that all will be okay.

Bittersweet farewells indeed.

 

 

 

life

Reconnecting…


Life takes us down different roads. In our travels we connect, disconnect and reconnect.

Reconnections can be precious moments that shine light and laughter upon those whose life’s paths have crossed.

Over a year has passed since Isobella & Eddie connected.

Yesterday they reconnected…

 

 

 

photography

Family…


It has been sometime since I have picked up my camera and captured images of wonderful people and places.

Not because I haven’t wanted to, but quite simply because life is what life is. And sometimes it takes you down a different road, if just for a little while.

The other day a message asked me back, back to a place where laughter and love was in abundance and where I captured it for prosperity.